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Post by lilia on Jun 20, 2009 23:54:07 GMT -5
Night again. Darkness engulfed the night on the Astronomy tower. But the stars were brighter that night then Lilia had seen in months. They twinkled with the unique beauty that Hogwarts held, even in these horrible times of crisis. Even the crescent moon was breathless. The wind blue Lilia's almost waistlength hair back, the shorter layers tossing across her face. Her blue eyes, holding the hard intensity of a thousand suns, stared directly in front of her. The shadow in her heart had seemed to grow in the last year of being away, but it had also made her stronger. Now her numb feelings engulfed her body most of the time, and she found she didn't crash and break down as much as she used to. But maybe that was because of the absence of her comfort...the reason she was able to crash in the first place.
Her arms were crossed over a simple black long-sleeved shirt. Her jeans were loose on her, from lack of food she had grown slightly thinner, if not a bit stronger. Her shoes, warn from all the travel, her dirty and faded. She looked as if she had just gone through hell and back...and her journey was as close to that as she could get. But still, it didn't matter how hard she fought...she still couldn't destroy her father, or the demon that he had planted inside her.
She pulled a strand of her straight black hair behind her ear and shivered in the cold. Hogwarts felt like such a lonely place. She had been back for only a week, settled into her apartment in Hogsmeade with Jacob, and had finally willed herself to go back to school. But it was her first day, and it seemed like no one had noticed she was gone. And the only person that would notice...he wasn't anywhere in sight.
Her thoughts had always been on Arrow...the only person who really made Lilia feel like she actually belonged somewhere. Thoughts of him made her long to return. He made her curl up in bed at night and cry, alone, her heart aching for his embrace. It was the memory of him that kept her away, for fear of her father hurting him...or him controlling her in ways that made her hurt him more. Leaving was the right choice, but being back...how would he take that? How did he even take her leaving, without a single word of goodbye? If he were to see her...what would he say now? |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 21, 2009 0:32:58 GMT -5
It was late at night and the dungeons were too…cramped for the seventh year Slyherin. Thoughts of her plague his thoughts causing insomnia to seep into his mind. It’s been almost a full year and still thoughts of her danced around his mind. He remembered when she ran away to god knows where. He didn’t go to school for the rest of the year, choosing to do all his work in the safety of his apartment where Sharada would come home every once in a while to bring him it and help him out. She was truly the best friend he could ever have…
Then he came back this year…people watched him, afraid he was going to snap at any given moment. Maybe he shouldn’t have hexed three people on his way out that night… Things were rough. It seemed he learned the strive he once had when she was there by his side. Over the summer he began playing his guitar again. Channeling all the hurt, all the anger he had left over from her departure. Why did she leave? It was too confusing to him. He was going to tell her…tell her…that he loved her. It seemed she completed him, that she made that puzzle called his life unscrambled and worth something. Why did she leave? Steel eyes pierced the night as he left the dungeons, letting his feet carry him through the halls, unwilling to stay still and let these thoughts continue to harass him. And yet they came…
This year he found a spot to himself, where he could just be him. Where he could strum his guitar until his heart had sung the same goddamn song for far too long. That song was always her. The notes were her striking blue eyes that was always watching him. Never scared, never judging. The melody was her breath, the breath that would brush against his neck and send shivers down his spine. The harmony was her spirit, the fiery spirit that would never fail, that would never diminish. She always had fight in her. Then he met her…Riley Fenmare
She was predictable, she was conservative, she was everything she was not. He always knew she was going to say something kind, something full of life, something happy, even though she had some heartbreak in her. Stop comparing the two. You should just focus on Riley. Even though they’re opposites…Lilia is never coming back. He told himself only to look up and see the door to their spot…the Astronomy Tower.
Opening it, his steel eyes widened in shock as he saw Lilia Blaze herself standing in front of him in all her glory. She looked stronger, more confident, more sure of herself. Her body that called to him had grown thinner but she looked a little stronger, her muscles a tad bit more defined. She seemed she had come back from a journey, she was worn down. He slammed the door behind him in rage. How DARE she come back all of the sudden when you just got a hold on your life again! His mind screamed in rage and he felt like throwing something. Hitting something. Anything. Grabbing both of her shoulders, he threw her against the wall hoping to inflict some sort of pain in her like she had him. Words failed him and he looked down, unable to even look at her. He didn’t want her to see the tears of rage and hurt fill his eyes.
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Post by lilia on Jun 21, 2009 0:45:44 GMT -5
A sudden slam behind her was barely warning. She had only time to turn around, only time enough to see the rage in the eyes that melted her to nothingness, and made her feel again. Lilia had only a second to take in the image of Arrow, angrier then she had ever seen him before. Then she was against the wall, a ghost of pain reverberating throughout her body. But she was used to this pain... Her breath was knocked out of her as her eyes stung the way only Arrow knew how to make them. Her eyes turned to him, directly in front of her, and he looked like the beautiful man she knew she would always love. Her heart fluttered painfully in her chest as she tried to breathe. He was there...violent again, angrier then ever, and he was so there.
"Arrow," she whispered. She had to contain the tears that threatened to spill as her voice wavered and trembled. Immediately, she was weak again. She longed to fall into his arms and sob out a million apologies. She wanted to hold onto him, make time go back, make it just him and her forever against everyone else...the way it was supposed to be. She wanted to kiss him...his soft lips, her source of comfort, calling to her in his angry set. Lilia wanted to make everything all right again.
But she hurt him. She knew that. She knew she couldn't take the last year back. But she knew she could try.
Trying not to shake, Lilia took a step forward. Her body protested to the pain of being slammed against stone, but she ignored it. "Arrow...please ...just let me explain...please..." Her heart hammered violently against her chest as, with a small hand, she reached out in an attempt to touch his face. "I'm sorry..." |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 21, 2009 1:04:32 GMT -5
Her voice stung him. It was as if she could have just taken the hurt and amplify it. Physically, he winced as her voice reached his ears. Why did she have to say his name? It was a mystery as to why it affected him so much to hear his name roll of his lips. Why did she have to leave? They could be holding each other, seeing the sky in a whole different light. At least…he could. The hurt and the anger left him viewing it with contempt. Why did the stars have to show when he used to look at them as symbols of hope and peace?
He felt her move forward and a hand reach toward his body. Slamming her back against the wall he looked up, the tears that pooled in his eyes dried up from the flames of his anger. You’re sorry? You’re feeling sad? Sorry but fuck that, Lilia Blaze. You took your goddamn knife and shoved it in my heart and you being back is just pushing it farther back in. You just helped me build it back up! Do you like destroying your own artwork?! He demanded, his grip tightening on her arms, surely leaving bruises behind. His emotional pain was going to end up physical pain for her, he’d make sure of it. His mind had convinced him that she meant hurting him.
I don’t need your explanations. You left. You’re back. Enjoy your life. He didn’t know why he was so…angry. It was his defense. He wouldn’t let her break him down so he could be brought back up. Shoving her to the side away from the door, he headed toward the door. If he left now…he didn’t think he could ever allow her in his life again.
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Post by lilia on Jun 21, 2009 1:23:48 GMT -5
Her back hit the wall again, harder this time, and she let out a small cry of pain. This time, his hands didn't leave her arms, and she could feel the growing bruises as his fingers dug deeper into them. She tried to control her breathing, leaving her memories of pain and heartache aside. Lilia knew she deserved the way he was hurting her...even if it hurt in ways she never thought physical pain could hurt her.
His voice was a knife, and it lashed at her gut. Her breathing became more uneven. Her eyes, staring up at his flaming ones, couldn't keep down burning tears. His words burned her, and she tried not to make it get to her. The way he said her name was a death blow, a punch across the face, a reason to bleed. Arrow was just angry...but she still deserved it. She deserved all of it. She deserved worse. "I didn't want to," she said back, and she was surprised at how steady her own voice was. Maybe she was even stronger then she thought. "Arrow, I didn't want to leave. Will you please just listen to me?"
He had turned to go, and Lilia could feel dread filling her up. She didn't want it to just end like this. She wanted to fix everything, and if only he just let her explain..."Wait..." Ignoring renewed protests of pain, she rushed toward the door and blocked his way. "Stop it, okay? You have to listen to me. You just...you don't understand. Please, just...don't leave..." She dropped her gaze, unable to look at his angry face anymore. She gasped a bit, trying to keep in her tears. "You can yell at me all you want. Hurt me as much as you want. But don't leave before I can talk to you..." |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 21, 2009 1:59:04 GMT -5
Could he listen to her? Could he stand there and listen to the reason why she left? Was he scared? Was he too mad? Maybe he was just scared…afraid to accept the reason why she left…afraid to hear it. Did she leave because of him? Too many questions followed by more questions, a lack of answers, too many thoughts, flaming rage, piercing lies. When would it stop? His mind was about to break down and his hands were shaking as they gripped her arms. No… He whispered coldly…maybe too cruel for even himself. The walls were building once more, the hate regaining , the violent rage emerging once more. The monster Arrow calls himself awoken.
Her voice stopped him in his tracks before he even made it to the door. The doorknob was calling his name. Sweet escape from this pain and torment laid behind the door. Was she worth it? Was she worth all this pain and anger? Maybe…he remembered the old times…a year ago…he was at his peak. He was invincible. He was indestructible. He was able to take on anything. Maybe he’ll stick around just to see if times like those were in his future. If they weren’t, he was out.
Turning around, he stared at her. His steel eyes cold and unwavering. They pierced into her crying ones. Why? He demanded in a cruel voice. So much went behind that one worded question. Why she left. Why she didn’t say goodbye. Why she was back. What happened. Everything he wanted to know laid behind that one simply complicated word.
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Post by lilia on Jun 21, 2009 2:13:14 GMT -5
No. It echoed in Lilia's head. One small syllable, two insignificant letters, a word that meant nothing...it shattered her heart. She tried not to make a sound of angst. She tried to keep it all buried in. But her insane need to rage and break down sobbing wanted to take over her. She knew she had to be strong. But she didn't think she could actually contain it. Lilia couldn't even breathe. "Please," she whispered, torment reverberating deeply in her voice. It was all she could say now. All she could even hope to offer. It was worthless.
With the one worded question, Lilia saw sudden hope. Why, he had asked, and she had the answer. She had all the answers. She just needed to say it all. It was so much...too much. Where to start? Why she broke his heart? That seemed like the right path. Why she left...that couldn't go unanswered. "I didn't want anyone else to get hurt." She shook her head, trying to hold his hard and deathly gaze. [col=silver]"He was just about ready to destroy my life, Arrow, and everyone in it. And I...I didn't want you to get hurt..." [/color] her voice wavered as she tried to keep in renewed tears.[/blockquote][/size] |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 21, 2009 22:37:28 GMT -5
All the days they were together, all the days they were in love, all the days that was forever, came back to him all at once. All the pain he received from her departure clenched his heart in a death grip and his eyes lowered, afraid that he would actually cry. Tears of hurt was something he did not want to show her. His mind was screaming ‘don’t give her the satisfaction of you being hurt!’ Betrayal clouded his eyes and judgment and he could not see the hurt that she too faced. The emotional pain behind her ‘please’ did not register in his clouded mind.
Listening to her small and slightly vague reason why she left. He knew he was going to stay. Maybe they’ll find the rest in the end of this? But he would not go down without a fight. Her story made his rage flare up once more and he turned his head slightly, staring her down. You didn’t think I could hold my own against him? Hell, I could have killed the guy just knowing what he used to do to you! Protect me, my ass! He lashed out verbally, turning around again and staring her down, crossing his arms in front of his black tee-shirt. You didn’t even fucking say goodbye, Lilia! Did you know I loved you back then? I’m amazed that I just might still! Fuck you and your paranoia. I can take care of myself, maybe it was you that needed protection. The words that flowed from his mouth in spite he didn’t even realize the words that formed. All that mattered to him was all the rage and pain that he felt was prominent in every single phoneme.
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Post by lilia on Jun 22, 2009 0:37:28 GMT -5
It hurt, the way he kept looking away. As if looking into her face were like some sort of curse. Again, it was a punishment she deserved, and was willing to take it...but she wished Arrow would at least look at her. Her tears renewed pooled at her eyes, and they fell freely to her cheeks. She had imagined this moment since the day she left, but Lilia couldn't believe she would start crying right away. It was the effect Arrow had on her, she kept trying to tell herself. She cried because she knew he was suffering endlessly, and it was because of her...even if he did refuse to show it. But Lilia knew him better then anyone did. She could see the torment she had put in his eyes. It broke her heart. "Don't do that. Don't shut me out..."
She winced at his harsh words. But her eyes had hardened suddenly. That wasn't fair...dismissing her reasons as if she were a rash little girl. They made sense...in her head, anyway. And Lilia was too stubborn to accept what Arrow had said. And besides...it wasn't just Arrow's life she was trying to protect. "I wasn't afraid of just you. I have a brother, one who isn't as strong as you are, and I was scared for him too. Dammit, Arrow, you think I wanted you to kill him? No! He's my fight, and you knew that. You already have too much on your hands, you don't need my father's blood there too. He's a strong man. How do you even know you couldn't have ended up hurt?" Her tears of grief pooled with tears of sudden anger. "I know how strong you are. But he has ways of dealing with the strong...you very well could have ended up hurt."
Her breath stopped at his next words. Love. "I loved you." She let out a small, silent sob, and tried to breathe again. Never had he actually said it...it was implied, but it was never actually said. She didn't really even think he ever would. "I'm sorry, okay?" She said again, her voice trembling. "I know I don't deserve talking to you. I know I was stupid to leave. I understand that. You don't think I didn't regret it the second I left without saying goodbye? But I just...I just couldn't do it..." She dropped her gaze, her body shaking from trying to contain her tears and sobs. "I was afraid of saying goodbye to you...I was scared that if I tried to say goodbye...I would never leave. And I just couldn't do that. I couldn't put everyone at risk...because of me..." |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 22, 2009 1:21:35 GMT -5
Don’t shut her out? She kicked him out. She left him stranded in the offering. The trading of hearts. He had just handed her his with no restrictions and she left. An abyss forming where his heart once laid. Screaming erupted from it. Tears had fallen many times. She couldn’t hear those screams? The abyss had swallowed them before anyone knew they had occurred. Didn’t you already do it? He snapped coldly, looking over the lawns of the castle. He couldn’t look at her. One glance of his desire and he would break. He would either break down, or just forget anything had happened, take her in his arms and kiss her with all the passion that still remained.
Listening to her reasoning he scoffed, ignorant to the fact that she had some points here and there. You’re not some fortune teller, you can’ tell what I would do. What I would do is support you. Or do you like being alone? Do you want to stand all by yourself? And when he finally gets you your all alone. Poor Lilia, all alone, no one to rebuild her broken self. Is that what you wanted? Congratulations. You got what you asked for. He said cruelly allowing all his pain to take a spoken form.
Lilia, you did worse than leave, you disappeared. You disappeared from my life and sadly it seemed like you didn’t even care. He responded. Sorry doesn’t account for anything! How do I know your not just going to up and leave once again? I don’t tolerate losses very well and not to know if one is here to stay or not is ridiculous to me! Lilia thought she knew him, but if she believed that leaving was the best, she was awfully mistaken. He wasn’t just going to back down before he knew this would never happen again.
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Post by lilia on Jun 22, 2009 1:40:32 GMT -5
She gaped, at a loss for words. It was true...she did...she had shut him out. She did it because she wasn't strong enough to keep everyone safe. It wasn't all because of Arrow...it was because of everything she cared about, her whole world, the fact that it was going to be smashed into little pieces. Lilia hadn't even said goodbye to Jacob...not a single note of farewell. And he had accepted that. He didn't believe a word Lilia said against their father, but he had accepted the fact that Lilia needed to go on this journey, and she needed to do it alone. She didn't want to shut Arrow out. She just didn't want a reason to stay...and simply seeing him after she had made up her mind would have made her forget all reasons of leaving. "I didn't..." she tried to speak, but she couldn't even look at him. In his point of view, he was right... "I didn't...mean to...I didn't want to."
What Arrow said burned her. She could feel the heat rising in her body as she balled her hands into fists. Was he stupid? Of course that's what she wanted. She wanted to be alone. So that she could be the only one in danger. "I didn't leave to hurt you, Arrow. I didn't leave to be away from you. I left so that you could be away from me. So that everyone could be away from me!" She extended her arms "Do you even know what I am anymore? Don't you realize what he's done to me? I had to be alone. It would have KILLED you!"
She wanted to yell at him for making her feel worse and worse. She had done the right thing...she had left for right reasons. She did it for him. And now she had come back, because the danger was gone for the time being, and she longed to see him again. And yet she hated him for making her feel like she deserved the hell she had gone through. "You can't seriously think I wanted to leave like that..." She shook her head, her cheeks streaming with tears. Her voice cracked and shook, but she wouldn't let herself stop her flow of words. "Fuck...I...love you. I love you so much. And coming back was a decision I made because I love you. The fact that you weren't there was killing me." She shook her head. I wouldn't come back just to leave again. I did that to you once. I couldn't bare to do that again. I'd rather die." |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jun 22, 2009 12:41:54 GMT -5
He snorted in false laughter. She left like an angel, she was just gone, she didn’t say goodbye. Of course you tried to shut me out. Why else would you leave without saying goodbye? He questioned watching shadows creep across the lawns wishing that all this anger was gone. He didn’t deserve this…but she was perfect…
Once more he listened to her rebuttal. The words swirled around him and he tried to make sense of him. They only brought him more pain. She just…didn’t understand that he would rather die next to her rather than know that she left him for some odd reason. He felt like his world was breaking the farther they continued this chat; he felt that they were just fishing for any hope that they will be all right; he felt like his heart wouldn’t stop bleeding. So….in the end he got what he wanted, right? He separated us and eventually hurt and almost killed me mentally in the end. Congratulations once more for allowing him to get what he wanted.
She loves him, as in present tense. Looking down, he didn’t know why he was still fighting with her. Why could either of them just say ‘it is in the past, let’s just enjoy the present’? He used to imagine them together and only saying goodbye till they laid down to rest forever, and hopefully meet up after and spend eternity. Was it still possible? How can I trust that? He asked not lifting his head as tears of hurt and pain filled up his eyes once more. A couple tears fell down his cheeks as for the first time since she left, he cried.
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Post by lilia on Jun 22, 2009 14:03:33 GMT -5
Her lower lip trembled against her will. Instinctively, she covered her mouth with a shaking hand, her blue eyes wide and shining against the starry night sky. She looked at him with a sadness inexplicable even to her. She knew the torments her heart carried, but she didn't think seeing Arrow again would bring her so much pain. She thought she would be able to see him and he would believe her, and after a struggle...everything would be all right again. Of course, she did expect his hatred before his love. But she didn't know his hatred ran so deep. She took the tiniest of steps back and shook her head, almost too violently, looking down at his feet. Slowly, her hand covering her mouth dropped to her side. "I should have. I should have told you I was leaving. But I just thought that...with a goodbye...everything would be over for good. And I just thought that if I said it to you, I would never come back...and I would never see you again. I just couldn't do that."
Her eyes searched his desperately, trying to find the soft gaze he once held only for her. But it wasn't there anymore. It was as if she had shattered everything they had built together, all because of her rash and impulsive attempts to protect every last bit of memory they had together. But she could see his pain plainly. Lilia had sealed both their fates to end in suffering and tears the day she left. She was stupid enough to think Arrow would understand. Of course he wouldn't. His pain was too deep. To him, Lilia had betrayed him. She couldn't explain...because he just wouldn't accept her reasons. "What more do you want me to say?" she asked, her voice just barely above a whisper. "If I would have stayed, you would have been physically hurt. Jacob would have too. Everyone. He would have killed the innocent bystanders. Ray might have been gone. If you don't want to understand, then there is nothing more I can say. It killed me mentally too. But I had to do it."
His falling tears renewed hers. But it had also given her a small ray of hope. He couldn't have hated her that much after all...if he was crying. Lilia could feel herself shattering at the effect his grief had on her. Every wound cut into his heart, she could feel in hers. She knew how devastating it was to be apart. She had dreamed in dying only in his arms, never once being apart. She had hoped for an end only with him. Lilia felt so stupid for leaving. She should have known that Arrow wouldn't have cared about death...as long as they were together. Again, she bit down sobs. She walked hesitantly toward him, until she was close enough to touch. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't stay standing like this, just fighting with him. Lilia reached up and tilted his head up, meeting his steel eyes with her own deep blue. Her hands brushed his cheeks, wiping the tears away. "I was wrong to leave you. But I swear on everything I have ever felt for you that I will never leave you again. You're my everything..." |
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Post by Arrow Cervantes on Jul 2, 2009 2:23:24 GMT -5
Shaking his head disappointedly at her, he looked over the trees and crossed his arms in front of his torso. His silver eyes were drenched in pain, unable to wash it out with crystal tears. No, his stubborn self refused to cry. Why should he? It was just showing her how much it affected him, showing her how weak of a human being he was to let a simple girl walking out of his life throw his entire existence into chaos and turmoil. It didn’t make sense to him nor did he think it was fair for him to have to deal with girls walking out of his life. Why did she have to walk away? There are ways of saying goodbye that doesn’t necessarily use that terming. Like… “I’m going away for a bit, bunch of shit that I don’t want anyone’s help in because I’m stubborn so I’ll be back later in your life.” His sharp, caustic tone was something he hoped would cut her deep.
Snorting in false laughter once more, he looked at her, not bothering to move any other muscle to acknowledge her existence. They always say that mental pain is ten times worse than physical. You can heal from physical injuries. Could he possibly heal from this? He convinced himself of so many lies, of so many scenarios in which she was just fed up with him so she left; she found someone new; maybe she was just too afraid to break it off with him face to face so she just up and left. Now she stood in front of him, arms opened, begging for penance and he was suppose to just drop everything? Every stab of pain he felt, every lie of betrayal he thought, every day without her just forgotten like she was there all along? Impossible.
Her words caressed some of the wounds that had cut into him. They sent his thoughts into a whirlwind. Lilia Blaze…oh how many times he dreamt of morphing that name into Lilia Cervantes, making her his and only his, marking his territory with a name, a ring, and an act so sacred they had yet to even discuss it. Lilia Blaze, the girl who was everything to Arrow Cervantes, everything. Even her insecurities, her curiosity, her breakdowns, her estrange and violent family, the drama that ensued her, the self-mutilation - everything about her drew to him…called out his name…a song so personal only the two knew how passionate it was. Jerking his head away from her hand that sent all these memories into his mind, he thought of how her beautiful blue eyes always erased the nightmares, the pain, the stoic walls he had tried so hard to build, how her body cradled against his seemed to fit so perfectly that even a puzzler couldn’t craft this masterpiece, how her lips moved with his in a slow tango that neither of them led nor follow, they were partners in the beautiful dance. Every thought just pushed him over the edge a bit more and more till it was time for his dramatic plunge. Turning around, he left the tower, he left the presence of someone he was close to calling his soul mate, he ran away from the pain, from the confrontation, to a place where he could think and hide.
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